You Have Weeks to Live – The End of life Death with Dignity and Medical Aid in Dying

Well a lot has gone one since I last updated this. I realize I update on many mediums but also know some people follow on here. So here is the long and short, after several failed treatments my leg had begin to rupture from the tumor. Given that my only options were allowing the leg to rupture or have it removed I opted for the latter. Also the 20lb tumor was stealing all my nutrition. I was dangerously low and might have died from systems failure

The CT suggested I still has 6 months or more at the time. I had my entire left hindquarter amputated as a palliative procedure for relief of pain and fungation. The recovery was supposed to take 4-6  weeks figured I would have a few decent months. I was half right.

Post surgical Post recovery I was released onto hospice, Since then I have had wound problems but I have been able to play poker and so some of the things I love again. The pain is lessened, though phantom pain is the worst part. I had a CT after the surgery by 5 weeks 8 total weeks from the last 6 month estimate. i do have a couple of small wounds that are not healing and probably will not i my lifespan. So legless and leaking from holes and still dying of lung sarcoma I cannot say it was a good or bad decision. Just one that had to be made

The surgery often causes hyper progression and individuals just die faster in some cases. something called angiogenesis is where the primary tumor sends grow signals to the mets. Its widely suggested in the literature though my surgeon Dr. Weber at University of Penn disagreed. I actually brought it up many many times but I was told I wasn’t a doctor and really it didn’t change my decision since my leg was going to explode like the Macy’s day fireworks show but gorier.

Now here we are and one mass mass tripled and is located dangerously close to my heart and some other vital structures. They tell me to think of life in weeks. Think of life in weeks? As someone who always has things meticulously planned out its a hard concept to swallow but the scans don’t lie. I am now heading to California Weds to pursue my right to die in a peaceful and painless matter since the law here in NJ will not be in effect for months and I have just weeks.

For what it’s worth, I feel alright and have been enjoying life and raising awareness. I hear my downturn will be swift and I want to be ready, I believe all Americans should be able to choose to end their life peacefully if they have a terminal condition. Someone like me, who dedicated his life to never punching a clock or waking up if he didn’t have to should have to rot in pain and asphyxiate slowly and painfully? F*ck that and fuck cancer. California here I come. I hope to make one more big awareness run at WSOP this year if I can make it. So if you’ve followed this long sty tuned I still have work to do.


Kevin Racks

4 thoughts on “You Have Weeks to Live – The End of life Death with Dignity and Medical Aid in Dying”

  1. Dude I wish I had the chance to meet you. Both my sis and I fought hard, along with other advocates to get NJ law changed ASAP. We have won the fight but not in time for many. Thank you for promoting medical aid in dying for those that wish to utilize the law. Know that all of us that fight for this across the country are a family and we stand behind you. Hey I say go out swinging ! Our thoughts are with you .

  2. Kevin,

    You ROCK! Thank you for sharing your story with the world. You have never met me, or my husband James Asbell who died from colon cancer in 2017, but I think you two would have been great friends. His book “Live Well with Terminal Illness and Other Crappy Diseases” is on Amazon if you’re interested in his story. Please know that just by being who you are and telling the world about your struggle, you’ve made a huge contribution. Keep living this life your way and know that whatever happens, you are admired, respected, and appreciated by more people than you will ever know.

  3. I saw your story pop up on my news feed, and just wanted to offer some moral support. As painful as this is, I’m glad you are bringing this conversation about end of life choices public. No one should have a say over how we live or die, especially not some church with it’s antiquated ideas. It’s none of their business. Using the time you have left to help others is truly a selfless act.
    I admire your spirit and zest for life. I’m also so very sorry that you have this devastating illness that you don’t deserve. I hope they are managing your pain well. What other places do you post on? I’d like to keep following your updates.
    And one more thing- fuck cancer and fuck anyone who tells you that you’re wrong.
    All the best.

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